Chills

God is working all around me

and through me so much

 that it's giving chills! Thrills! and Excitement!

 This picture sums it up nicely.

Looks amazing and impossible.

Down right frightening! But super amazing!

 

Yup.

 

It's frightening how God is changing everything!

However, it's a lot like this roller coaster.

 

I can be assured of my safety. God's got this. How can I lose?

It may seem to change course or ask the impossible but

its' all planned.

To share an example, I'm starting each day asking the Lord tobe in complete control and do His will through me. I've never been so productive! Not doing things I thought I should be doing but what I felt was obedience to Him.

A perfect example was last week.

I was going to head to the store and run some errands on post before picking up the kids for a dentist appointment. As I was finishing dressing and getting ready to go I got a phone call from my prayer partner. So I dropped what I was about to do and took the time she needed.

It lasted right up till the moment I needed to get the kids for their appointment.

I picked them up before they'd had lunch but we were in luck, Taco Bell was right there. Hoping against hope we could get in and out in 15 minutes we had a quick lunch together. Always fun.

We managed to check in right on time! Always a good feeling.

As I was chilling in the waiting room I checked FB.

I had a message from someone in the local Home school group.

Interestingly, just the day before my prayer partner and I had prayed about homeschooling.

I am/was concerned about Tyler's education but wanted to do what Tyler needed not just what I thought was best. I'd already received confirmation that I was to home school but it seemed very coincidental. Like perhaps I was reading into it too much.

Well, here I am in the waiting room on FB and what do you know. More confirmation.

God wanted to make sure I knew He's got it and He does want me to home school Tyler.

Turns out, I couldn't have run errands this morning if I'd wanted too.

I didn't have my ID card.

My homeschooler friend had discovered it at the local Dog park (it had been dropped Sunday) and she thought to look me up via FB.

Wow.

Then others within the home school community reached out to me to make sure I got my ID back.

Wow.

So not only did God restore my missing ID before I even realized it was missing, He confirmed His will for me and Tyler.

Awesome.

Exciting.

It's amazing to be living in such a close relationship to our Saviour and Lord.

Terrifying at times but always ultimately for us.

 

I'm getting chills just thinking about all the prayers He's been answering and all the ways He's working. He's shown Mike and I things that He didn't have control over in our lives and we've turned it all over to HIM.

So Changes are a coming! God Sized Changes!

I can only imagine.....and my imagination is fabulous!

 

God Answers II

As yesterday progressed I saw more and more ways that God is constantly working in my life and so I felt like my last post was incomplete.

While it's not a formula, because God is way bigger than a formula, I have noticed a theme or trend. When it comes to answered prayers.

All through the Bible God blesses those who walk with Him.
So a constant relationship is key. In fact essential.

Then something crazy takes place. It's not that my every whim and desire are being gratified but that my heart has aligned with God's and I'm praying to see Him at work. Bear with me.

Praying for a person is a common enough prayer.
Why wouldn't God want to answer you? After all, He loves all of us, He already knows everything about us - good and bad, He promises he's tending to us. So when we pray for another we're actually lining up our hearts and minds to what He wanted in the first place. Then if we're watching and in a relationship with Him, he opens our eyes to it.

Confused?

Well let's add more to the mix.

In Psalm 37:4 it's mentioned that if we, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your hear". Sounds almost like - If you love God and hope really hard to win the lotto - He'll give it to you. Nope.

It's more like, Focus your everything on God (spend more time with Him than with your TV or on FB) and the desires of your heart will be the WILL OF GOD.

Almost sounds like a bait and switch but I promise you it's not. God's Will is always sooo much better than what we could imagine.

I personally have a great imagination but I'm not enitirely sure I could come up with an elephant, trees, mountains, giraffee, or coffee in just a week. I'm most definately not in the same catagory as God is.

So why do we keep offering  up human sized solutions? Because they're human sized problems? You might think they are but you'd be wrong.

Imagine watching TV in Black and White...just living like everyone else. Then you enter into a real and personal relationship with Christ. Blam - Color TV!
"Wow", you think.
Everything looks so diferent!
Most Christians feel like they've  made it. They can see in Color!
The Holy Spirit has opened their eyes!
but wait.
What about flat screens that are super huge and boggle the mind?
What about 3-D?

I'm discovering that my color TV is blah next to the 3-D of learning to crave God's Will over my everything.

I've also discovered that while I can only grasp this world in 3-D that perhaps it more. Mostly likely it's a lot more! 64-D even. So mind blowing that I can't even possibly imagine it.

So we're down here thinking we're reasonable and asking for normal stuff but in God's reality we're not seeing anything clearly.

Those human problems? Could very well be divine blessing and we're just not tuned in properly.

So before I start sounding like I'm starting a Sci-Fy series, I want to share how I've prayed and how I've been answered. Just this week to keep it simple.

On Monday (around 10 - yes it really matters) April and I lifted up these concerns - and a few more.
1. Continued health
2. Our husbands and marriages. That we'd learn to see and love our husbands the way God sees and loves them. That God would tear from their lives anything and everything blocking them from Him.
3. What's best for Tyler's education. Not what I want but how does God want Tyler raised. Public, Private or Homeschool next year?
4. Prayer for sovergien control over my finances. That we don't give in to spiritual warfare in this area of our lives.
5. Continued strength on my new diet program.

It was a slow week for us so that just about cover it.

Right before April and I had met for prayer Mike and I'd talked about getting a new dresser. We'd decided that it was a better decision to build one that to buy. The dresser I want is $1200 at the Pottery Barn but we found free design plans FOR THAT EXACT dresser for free. Mike headed to Lowe's to get the supplies.

As he walked out the door I was uncomfortable about the decision. I was feeling like we might be overextending ourselves this month to do it now. However, I've been praying for two weeks to be the wife Mike needs and I could see that he just needed to be completely in charge of the project. Even the timing of the project. So I send a prayer up that asking if we were still completely within God's Will and moved forward.

After praying together, on the phone, because we are constantly unable to meet in person, Mike and I unloaded the dresser wood and had lunch.

Katie walks in the door just after 3pm with the mail.

Inside the mail is a completely unexpected check for.....exactly the cost of the dresser. Woo Hoo!

It was a settlement check from how Chase mistreated us by trying to foreclose on us in 2009. It was decided that was wrongful on their end and we were in the clear! Bonus gift! Thank you God!

While I was waiting to tell Mike the good news I hopped on the computer to check my email as well. Two emails from k-12 asking us to come back at huge discounts!

Another ANSWER!

Another Bonus! I didn't ask God to save us money if we were going to HomeSchool but He offered it just the same.

I started to think maybe I was reading a bit much into the whole email answer but tucked it aside.

Simply Thanked God for His swift responses and expressed my joy in Him.

Now you might be thinking, "God sure seems to answer Ruth and April quickly, I wonder what that's all about."

I've decided it's two things. First God made me and April at the same speed. The speed of light. Microwave speed. It's not that we don't have patience or have been called upon to practice patience...we have. It's that God is delighting in delighting us.

Two, We are both daily followers of God. I wake up wanting to check my bible app for what the day's verse is. I like to walk down the hall, grumbling a good morning to the kids while reading my quicky biblestudy app.
Once the kids are gone for the day I start in on my meaty Bible Study. 
It's more important that coffee.

Which brings me to another part of the theme - not formula of answered prayers.

Three weeks ago I was in the process of getting ready for gastric bypass surgery. I was informed by my doctors that it was less risk than being as fat as I am.
I was ready to go.
I figured that if food was in the way of my temple being fit than it needed to go.
I prayed about it many times but then April and I prayed about it together this time I prayed that I simply wanted a clear sign as to which direction I was supposed to take. Cut out my stomach or Let God heal me.

I'd been reading in 1Kings about a king that won many battles because God went before him but for one epic battle this king didn't consult the Lord. Devistation was the results.

It got me thinking that I needed to make sure I wasn't trying to do things my way but God's way. I took the surgery to God and asked if it was His way.

Not three hours later I got a call from TriCare that they wouldn't be covering the surgery. I'm not fat enough. Woo Hoo! This meant that God was going to heal me.

More on this amazing weight loss story later. It deserves it's own blog. Spoiler - I'm down 8lbs.

Back to Homeschooling.

I was planning on running to the base for some shopping before gettting the kids for their dentist appointments today. However, the second I finished my morning Bible Study April called. Urgent prayer warrior stuff.

Our sharing lasted right up to the moment I needed to get the kids. I figured no biggie.

Getting Tyler from school I noticed that I was missing my ID card. Had to pull out my driver's license for the school's ID check.

I texted Mike if perhaps he knew where it was.

"Look in the kitchen"

Sure. Whatever.

I didn't give it another thought.

Then sitting at the Dentist office I'm surfing FB and realize I have a message. My ID was found at the dog park. Best Part - By a girl in the local homeschool group. Yup. My name was even posted on the local Homescool FB page - looking for anyone who knew me to let me know my ID had been found.

How's that for an answer? Reconnecting me with the local HomeSchool Group seems like quite the answer to me.

Wow.

And it's only Tuesday!

As I watch for more God answers please pray for Rob and Mike. That's our husbands. We've been praying for them and joked today that they could be in for a JONAH style problem. While I doubt God has a whale planned for a New Jersey men.....God is rather creative.
He gave Joshua Jericho by asking him to march and holler....
He gave women boobs......

Also, we've decided our prayers need to be bigger. Do you have something we can turn over to God for you?
 

God Answers.

My prayer life has changed drastically in the last year. I find myself amused.

I can barely remember what it used to look like but it feels like it was years ago instead of just last summer.

I've started really taking notice of how God answers.

Like a dective searching for clues, scooby looking for snacks, a coupon queen searching for a steal. I've been expectant.

So freaking awesome.

Lots of answers on every little thing. Super amazing. Last week I whined to God that I wanted a good book to read and I wanted a romance. I found myself that day in CVS standing in front of the books looking at a former favorite author. Asking myself if this was God's answer and was he allowing me to read a romance novel again. I've also been praying for His leadership in our finances and in that moment I felt a nudge on my heart to leave it and try the library. So I walked away.

Later that night I was wandering around my house and I forget why but I stopped in front of my bookcase and noticed a series of books that I've been meaning to read. My sister in law gave them to me. I picked up the first book in the series - Mark of the Lion. It wasn't until I put down the second book three days later that I realized God answered my whine.

I was blessed with an amazing love story. A fabulous story that fed the imagination and made me a better person for reading it. (Francine Rivers if you're interested). Not only that but God answered my heart more than I asked. Instead of just one book I got three! Instead of having buy something - He knew years ago that this moment would come! and JUST HANDED IT TO ME!

Amen. Woo Hoo! Way to be awesome God!

I was telling my friend (and Mike) that when God has something he wants for you HE JUST GIVES IT TO YOU.

God wanted Jonah to go to Nievah. God made it happen, not Jonah.
God wanted David to be King. David did not seek the position. It was JUST GIVEN TO HIM.
God wanted His son to be crucified. It had to happen. So He did it. It could not have been stopped by man.

This has been a freeing idea. I mean I always understood that God was in charge but I figure I was supposed to be doing something. Nope.

I'm just supposed to obey once I see what He's doing.

This is mind blowing once your wrap your mind around it.

Do nothing but wait on the Lord. Then when he hands you your task - run with it.

This works for every since area of life. In everything, whether whining, pleading, begging or just asking and seeking give it to God.

I've pass along some great requests that made me feel grown up and responsibly. I've also passed along some plain jane, run of the mill, striaght up whining. He's answered it all.

I've been answered in minutes and hours. I've seen it take a few days. I've heard of it taking decades. But God hears and answers.

I'm having a blast watching Him at work. Connecting the dots.

I've turned everything over to him. My marriage - yeah, I'm still married because of Him. My finances, he's doing a great work! My weight - have I got a story in the works! My friendships, my thoughts, my dog, my children. You name it - I've made it His problem.

He's answering and He's doing it His way which I gotta tell you is bigger and better than what I asked for.

God sized answers!

So exciting to see. Super exciting to experience. I just can't wait to see how God works this week.

It's all in your head.

Hi my name is Ruth and I'm addicted to Pinterest. Oh, and Facebook, Bradsdeals, Amazing Lightening Deals, maybe I should stop now.

I saw a quote today on Pinterest that resonated with me. Author unknown.

Watch your thoughts,

they become words,

they become actions.

Watch your actions,

they become habits;

they become character.

Watch your character;

it becomes your destiny.

WHO ARE YOU?

Wow. So true. I've seen this happen in my life. I've had it happen to me. Let me share two powerful but painful examples.

I'll never forget that day. Tyler had been sick and I was worried but telling myself that until I knew what was going on I was just panicking. He was scheduled for his first MRI at 11:00. I wanted to show him that is was no big deal so I still put him on the bus that morning for school. I purposefully planned to make it a normal day.

Mike had left a few days before to return to Afghanistan. He had a few months left to finish his year apart. I was hanging on to my dignity by a thread. I wanted to stay curled up in bed but realized that wasn't the message my kids needed to finish a year long deployment. I'd spent nine months telling them we loved Daddy, that it's okay to cry but we have to still be joyful.

I picked Tyler up from school and drove him to the Magnetic Imagining Center in Watertown NY. I can't help but remember all of Tyler's details but have to stop and think about the deployment details.

I didn't have Tyler's social security number on me and Mike was stranded in Atlanta International Airport due to snow so I just texted him to look into it for me. I chatted with the receptionist and learned the difference between contrast and non contrast MRI's. I remember my friend Robin asking me earlier if the MRI ordered was with contrast and at the time I had no idea what she meant.

Looking back I can see exactly how God was preparing me. Showing me all the information I was going to need and equipping me for my response.

Tyler went back without me. His choice. I wanted to stay by his side but he was going through the normal phase of life where he wanted to be grown up and do it alone. He'll learn sometime in early adult that's crazy but as a young man he will have to figure this out alone.

I was watching TV out in the waiting room. I was the only one there. At the time I was in a Beth Moore bible study and we'd just covered the importance of memory verses. Beth had joked in her video about needing to pin verses on her clothes like a mother pins notes to the teacher on her child. I chuckle every time I think of it. I'd combined this with something I'd heard on KLove at the beginning of Mike's deployment.

When someone asks where you live pick a memory verse. In the military it's a very confusing question to answer where you live. Do you mean, where was I born? where I grew up? where I just moved from? or where I reside right now? It's made fun of on Armed Forces TV. I can totally relate so when I heard to share a verse and tell someone I lived there I loved it.

God gave me the verse Psalm 112:7 (NIV)
"They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord.

I had it on an index card in my purse. I had needed it many many times in the previous nine months. I stopped watching the news that year because every little thing made it hard to sleep at night.

Sitting in the waiting room I decided to clean my purse. Silly the things we do when bored. I'd just finished tossing the receipts I didn't  need in the trash and was clutching my index card when the nurse that was with Tyler came around the corner heading to the bathroom. She was crying.

Once she'd pulled herself together she exited the bathroom and walked towards me. Time started to slow. I put my verse in my pocket.

I remember word for word our conversation. She was asking where I attended church and was telling me she was Mormon and that Jesus loved me. That she had an amazing church fellowship and wanted to make sure I was surrounded by loving believers like she was. I remember being amused, curious and paralysed. I can best explain it as a looming darkness that I could see in the distance or out of the corner of my eye but I physically could not look directly at it. My hands clenched in my pocket. Around my verse.

I wasn't told anything about Tyler other than he'd need fluids and to head straight to his Doctor's office. I stopped at Wendy's to get Tyler a frosty. He chatted non stop about his adventure. That he hated the needle and the fluid was super cold but that the headphones were awesome. Chatter about how hard it is to stay perfectly still when you need to tap your foot to good tunes. I listened while refusing to look at the looming darkness threatening to overwhelm me.

I burst into tears twice before I made it to the Dr.'s office and once in the waiting room. All before I had any idea. I sent Mike a text to update him but had no idea if he'd made his flight or could even get my text anymore. Once he boarded the plane his phone would be off until he was back in the US again. Otherwise a single text could cost $50.

In those moments I became conscience of the index card in my hand. Wrinkled, smeared and just there, in my hand. I choose in those moments to trust. I packed away my fear. I knew. I knew it was going to be bad. I couldn't have known how bad. I don't think I could have had enough faith after I heard the news. The decision to believe and have faith had to come first. I set the path for all future thoughts in those moments.

So in less than 20 minutes after my decision to believe that God had this, I learned my son was dying of a brain tumor.

I'll stop here. I'll share the good news that the tumor was quickly removed. Tyler's chances to live were extremely low that January. We faced the possible death of Tyler, or the chance he would live but as a vegetable. The decisions we had to make were quick and dirty. Decisions that still make me tremble. However, God had laid a path and shown me His will. I wasn't left to do any of this alone.

I experience a life changing moment and kept my joy. I was fought for with every breath I took that year. However, the battle was won in my head. Keeping my thoughts under control expelled the looming darkness. Like those monsters in Harry Potter that must me defeated by light. I had a patronis, GOD to go before me and expel the darkness.

The second painful experience I want to share is both my story and not my story. You'll understand in a moment.

Mike became depressed.
He had plenty of reasons why.
His mind came to believe he was worthless.
He set the path in his mind to see disrespect and worthlessness believing to his core that he was unloved at home.
These thoughts eroded his character and allowed him to justify having an affair.
This created a deep wound in our marriage.

It all started with thoughts.
That lead to words spoken.
That fed actions.

Our minds are where we win and lose.
Words are a sign of your thoughts but by the time it comes out of our mouths the path has already been decided. The outcome predictable.

Who you are is decided by your thoughts.

I've heard the argument that you can't control what pops into your head. Really?

Let's look at Philippians 4:4-9 (the Message) because it would seem this is not a new idea and we've got instructions right here on how to combat this.

"Celebrate God all day,

every day. I mean, revel in him!

 Make is as clear as you can to all you meet that you're on their side,

working with them and not against them.

 Help them see that the Master is about to arrive.

He could show up any minute.

Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray.

 Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers,

 letting God know your concerns.

Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness,

everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down.

It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

Summing it all up, friends,

 I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating

 on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling,

gracious - the best, not the worst;

the beautiful, not the ugly;

 things to praise, not things to curse.

Put into practice what you learned from me,

 what you heard and saw and realized.

Do that, and God, who makes everything work together,

will work you into his most excellent harmonies."

Notice it doesn't say try to avoid bad things, it says fill your minds. I picture this as a glass with oil in it being filled with water. The oil floats on top and spills over the sides as the glass overflows.

This is how I approach protecting my mind. I make sure it's so full that there isn't room for anything else. In our age of information overload this takes dedication but gets easy with practice.

I memorize verses. I fill up on reading good things. Not just the bible, I enjoy a bunch of authors that can best be described as fluffy. Romance novels can be wonderful. Filled with love and the importance of treating others with truth and respect. Or they can be filled with exciting things that are just junk. A good murder mystery can be inspiring or make it hard to sleep without the lights on.

Facebook and Pinterest are another great place to fill up on great things. However, it is just as easy to fill up on crap there too. What's a girl to do?
Duh, make choices and decided to conscience turn away from junk. It gets easy with practice.

My facebook uplifts me. I have many friends that post memory verses or how well they've done exercising. Baby pictures and giggles to brighten my day. Politics from those who are concerned about our country but are searching for truth. While I might not always enjoy the truths they find they are doing it in a conscientious way that is not harming the dignity of those who oppose them.

I use Pinterest as I would a magazine. Fluff to entertain and to inspire me to do more with my resources. I've learned how not to coupon. I've been inspired to cook more. I'm filling my mind with all sorts of fun stuff.

I'm so full of it that I'm not overly phased when I'm at the mall and confronted with Victoria Secrets ads. I'm so full of it that I can move along just fine.

I know the truths of this world are frightening, scary and paralysing. I could fill my mind with knowledge on germs and parasites. That can very easily scare the pants off a normal person. When confronted with certain bits of truth I find I have to stay still for a moment to collect my thoughts.

I find I can't face some things head on because they break my heart. I'm not going to ever really be able to go to the holocaust museum. I believe it is doing good and should be there. I support it but my heart is too tender to see it more than out of the corner of my eye. I recognize I need to protect my heart.

As a bonus though I'll tell you that filling your life with good thoughts will bleed into your dreams and your children. Maybe bleed isn't the right visual, LOL, perhaps I should say the joy of your life will spill into those around you.

Then you can be more like Jesus. Turning others to love because you loved them first. This is what I want my witness to be.

I want others to be at peace in my presence. I want to bring light, joy and love. Laughter and good times even when we face awful truths. I want others to feel loved by me just because it can't help but overflow from my life.

I'm choosing thoughts that are the necessary building blocks for this witness.

What are you thinking?
Who are you becoming?

It's all just in your head.




 

Seeing RED on FaceBook

I don't know about you but I'm seeing red on FaceBook.

It's the marriage equality sign or anti equality signs.

Personally this one makes me giggle.

I don't know about you but I kinda wonder at them choosing red?
Red ribbons are for aids and I thought we wore red to support our troops on Fridays and now red with pink is marriage equality? Why change from the rainbow? Did all the pictures of where rainbows come from (unicorn poop) change their minds?

Do you really care? Are you staying up at night about this? I'm not.

In fact I'm not getting much out of it either way. I've got friends I love on both sides and I'm very much decided that I'm going to love them both.

How are we really supposed to respond as Christians?
I'm reminded of a time I was sitting in Sunday School and a very well meaning lovely individual was explaining that we needed to use the Laws, the ten commandments to lead others to Christ. That in order to save someone they needed to first understand that they were drowning. At the time I thought this was profound.

Now I've decided, no, this isn't right.

Lining up what I believe with what the Bible tells me I get,"Love one another". "For all have sinned."
In fact I can't find a single place that tells me I'm to tell people they are in trouble and need saving. In life I can also vouch for the fact that nobody needs it pointed out. We get that we're drowning.

Fellow believers are drowning too. They haven't quite figured out their armor.

So I'd like to share some tips.

As Christians we are called to LOVE. Others will know we are Christians by our LOVE. Not because we post on FB that we are believers. Not because we let you know that you are a sinner. LOVE.

When we behave in this manner it is because we were first filled with Christ's love and it spills from our lives. If your life isn't spilling over with Christ's love then stop what you are doing and figure this out NOW! Jesus loves you and He is not withholding it! He wants you to feel it! Live it! You were made for LOVE!

Now assuming you are filled with love then you are also focusing on Jesus. This makes the commandment to focus on what is good and lovely easy. If you are struggling with surrounding yourself with what is good and lovely then I challenge you again, that it means are not experiencing being filled with Jesus's love. Everything hinges on Him loving you first.

Now we are instructed to be wise and to wear armor. Protect yourself. Don't let the junk of today get in the way of Jesus's love. Don't let bickering and whining on FB affect you at your core. Your core is feeding on Jesus' love and doesn't have time to judge others.

Love is our mission.

So while we might be seeing red.

Don't act like it's a flag being waved at a bull.

Let it be a reflection of the heart.

A reflection of the blood shed to save us all.

This is a magnificent opportunity people. We are called to love one another. Please don't miss your chance to love.

Don't read a political statement here. I'm not siding one way or the other. I'm playing a completely different game. I'm living the commandment to love my neighbor as myself.



Ask and you shall recieve!

So last time I blogged I mentioned that I was done.
 I needed to DO.
 I needed to CHANGE.
Well....
I have.

Matthew 6:32-34

"What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, by you know both God and how he works.

Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."

I've got to tell you that this is exactly where I am, and I've been blown away by GOD!

Since I wrote out my thoughts I've been spending extra time trying to just worship in the moment and practice being NOT preoccupied.

Harder than it sounds.

Sounds a little weird.

You try practicing being RELAXED while visiting an Oncologist, a GI who tells you that you need to start a two month long poo journal on your son, and then a pulmonolgist who tells you it's time for a sleep study. Ugh.

It's not easy. I can see why GOD would have to tell us we need to do it. Or rather, choose it. We're given a choice.

We can get wound up and bleed worry all over.

Or

We can believe that God is bigger than everything we might encounter and that He has good plans in motion.

I'm very confident that GOD is bigger but I'm prone to stumbling and whining.

However, I'm pleased to report that when you seek GOD, you find HIM. In fact you discover HIM everywhere. It's awesome.

After choosing to be relaxed and choosing to pass control over to GOD I was then given front row tickets to the circus of life. I watched as those around me bled worry from their very pores.

Then I got called up into the ring!

Did I ever.

Without sharing details that don't belong to me, I can tell you that we humans get caught up in a TON of drama! Every last one of us could write a soap opera in minutes flat.
I felt the need for multiple showers. As if mere water could free me from worry.

Then I went to yet another Bible Study. Have I mentioned I'm an optimist?

Experiencing God.

It is already different then the studies I've been whining about. Thank God.

I'm going to love it. I can tell that it's not something I'd normally get myself into. This is me just simply obeying. I'm attending at a hovel. With possible Hobbit cast members. I'm going to struggle with feeling superior. Something I didn't think I needed to work on but recognize I do when confronted with people who can't hold a job or brush their teeth.

In just two days I've learned so very very much! Sweet relief. No more spiritual baby food.

I've been seeking and I'm finding. Way to rock MARCH!!
 

Perspective

Perspective is a funny thing.

I've decided I'm not a fan.

Probably because I'm not always a fan of being a responsible adult.

I'm re-evaluating bible studies. I both love and recently hate them.

I adore learning the bible with others that want to soak it all in. I want to be with people that are excited about scripture as the latest best seller. I want to be able to ask questions to flesh out the truth. Not because I'm arguing but trying to understand.

This isn't what I'm finding at bible study. I'm finding pasteurized generic people watching a "profound" video. Who can when prompted feed you the proper answer and then never truly apply it to their own life. If your lucky and they are trying hard, they'll apply it to your life for you.

Seriously, I'm done with that crap.

I'm ready to move on to learning by doing.

We are to love. We are to meet needs.  I'm going to join those already doing that. I'll memorize scripture while I'm at it and call it "bible study".

My perspective is changing. I'm done sitting on the sidelines.

Which brings me to my struggle. A gut wrenching, heart bleeding, agony. One I haven't mentioned before.

My son is sick.

I've been ignoring it for months.

I was hoping it was the flu.

For those of you who don't know Tyler had a brain tumor. It was the sized of a softball in his tiny 7yr old head. It was removed Jan 2011.

but....

The barfing is back. The headaches are back. The Neurosurgeon has cleared his last MRI as not the cause of these issues. I'm going to pursue a second opinion just because I'm not sure I agree.

I'm now having to face things that suck.

The survival rate for childhood brain tumors. It's 40-80% for 5 years if properly diagnosed. - SUCKS

Watching my son, shrink. He's losing weight. Losing vitality. Getting paler. - SUCKS

Without getting all down in the dumps, I'll remind myself that I put all my trust in God. That's God's got this. That I have no control over the outcome I have obedience to God.

So, perspective.

I'm asking myself how I want to live the next few years. Really live.
I'm wanting to change everything.

If you thought a loved one was dying would you turn off the TV and play monopoly? but what if that loved one is far too tired and lacks the skills.

It's a lot to think about.

So I'm turning it over to God. OK, throwing back in His Face. I'm not yelling or weeping yet because I'm pretending I have dignity.

I'm not one to pretend for long.

So I'm asking myself, now what.

I've got one Disney trip booked.

What needs to happen now. After the Dr.'s visits and responsible stuff of life. How can I live, really LIVE. Celebrating the LIFE I have. Celebrating Tyler's LIFE.

That act of LIFE that tells those around me that I value LIFE and I'm not just watching Tyler die but showing him how to REJOICE IN THE LORD ALWAYS.

Living in such a way that I'm not mourning missed opportunities. I'd hate to think that the worse happened, Tyler dies and I look over his last few years, hearing his voice begging to not go to school. Asking if he could play more. Asking me to play a board game when I was tired. Oh yeah, that would SUCK.

Balancing that with fiscal responsibility. It is just money but that doesn't mean I can spend the next few years wracking up debt.

How differently would you live if you knew you had 5 years instead of 75? And does anyone really know? You could be hit by a car tomorrow. You could be the first person in your family to live over 100yrs.

How do you plan/live for either?

On the one hand you don't want to run out of energy early. You want to exercise, eat right, do the right responsible things while also grabbing hold of the joys of life.

I'm thinking I want to take the kids to Habitat for Humanity this summer and build a house for someone. I find that loving others and helping others is better than just grabbing at things that make just me happy.

I want to spread love and joy.

I've got a new perspective and I want to apply it to my life and change accordingly.

We are in for quite the adventure.

(If you'd like to follow Tyler's blog you can find it at www.caringbridge.org/tylerzeman )

I knew life was like a roller coaster....I just forgot that I haven't gotten off the ride yet. So let's put our hands in the air and scream! Enjoying every moment to its fullest!