Perspective is a funny thing.
I've decided I'm not a fan.
Probably because I'm not always a fan of being a responsible adult.
I'm re-evaluating bible studies. I both love and recently hate them.
I adore learning the bible with others that want to soak it all in. I want to be with people that are excited about scripture as the latest best seller. I want to be able to ask questions to flesh out the truth. Not because I'm arguing but trying to understand.
This isn't what I'm finding at bible study. I'm finding pasteurized generic people watching a "profound" video. Who can when prompted feed you the proper answer and then never truly apply it to their own life. If your lucky and they are trying hard, they'll apply it to your life for you.
Seriously, I'm done with that crap.
I'm ready to move on to learning by doing.
We are to love. We are to meet needs. I'm going to join those already doing that. I'll memorize scripture while I'm at it and call it "bible study".
My perspective is changing. I'm done sitting on the sidelines.
Which brings me to my struggle. A gut wrenching, heart bleeding, agony. One I haven't mentioned before.
My son is sick.
I've been ignoring it for months.
I was hoping it was the flu.
For those of you who don't know Tyler had a brain tumor. It was the sized of a softball in his tiny 7yr old head. It was removed Jan 2011.
but....
The barfing is back. The headaches are back. The Neurosurgeon has cleared his last MRI as not the cause of these issues. I'm going to pursue a second opinion just because I'm not sure I agree.
I'm now having to face things that suck.
The survival rate for childhood brain tumors. It's 40-80% for 5 years if properly diagnosed. - SUCKS
Watching my son, shrink. He's losing weight. Losing vitality. Getting paler. - SUCKS
Without getting all down in the dumps, I'll remind myself that I put all my trust in God. That's God's got this. That I have no control over the outcome I have obedience to God.
So, perspective.
I'm asking myself how I want to live the next few years. Really live.
I'm wanting to change everything.
If you thought a loved one was dying would you turn off the TV and play monopoly? but what if that loved one is far too tired and lacks the skills.
It's a lot to think about.
So I'm turning it over to God. OK, throwing back in His Face. I'm not yelling or weeping yet because I'm pretending I have dignity.
I'm not one to pretend for long.
So I'm asking myself, now what.
I've got one Disney trip booked.
What needs to happen now. After the Dr.'s visits and responsible stuff of life. How can I live, really LIVE. Celebrating the LIFE I have. Celebrating Tyler's LIFE.
That act of LIFE that tells those around me that I value LIFE and I'm not just watching Tyler die but showing him how to REJOICE IN THE LORD ALWAYS.
Living in such a way that I'm not mourning missed opportunities. I'd hate to think that the worse happened, Tyler dies and I look over his last few years, hearing his voice begging to not go to school. Asking if he could play more. Asking me to play a board game when I was tired. Oh yeah, that would SUCK.
Balancing that with fiscal responsibility. It is just money but that doesn't mean I can spend the next few years wracking up debt.
How differently would you live if you knew you had 5 years instead of 75? And does anyone really know? You could be hit by a car tomorrow. You could be the first person in your family to live over 100yrs.
How do you plan/live for either?
On the one hand you don't want to run out of energy early. You want to exercise, eat right, do the right responsible things while also grabbing hold of the joys of life.
I'm thinking I want to take the kids to Habitat for Humanity this summer and build a house for someone. I find that loving others and helping others is better than just grabbing at things that make just me happy.
I want to spread love and joy.
I've got a new perspective and I want to apply it to my life and change accordingly.
We are in for quite the adventure.
(If you'd like to follow Tyler's blog you can find it at www.caringbridge.org/tylerzeman )
I knew life was like a roller coaster....I just forgot that I haven't gotten off the ride yet. So let's put our hands in the air and scream! Enjoying every moment to its fullest!
I've decided I'm not a fan.
Probably because I'm not always a fan of being a responsible adult.
I'm re-evaluating bible studies. I both love and recently hate them.
I adore learning the bible with others that want to soak it all in. I want to be with people that are excited about scripture as the latest best seller. I want to be able to ask questions to flesh out the truth. Not because I'm arguing but trying to understand.
This isn't what I'm finding at bible study. I'm finding pasteurized generic people watching a "profound" video. Who can when prompted feed you the proper answer and then never truly apply it to their own life. If your lucky and they are trying hard, they'll apply it to your life for you.
Seriously, I'm done with that crap.
I'm ready to move on to learning by doing.
We are to love. We are to meet needs. I'm going to join those already doing that. I'll memorize scripture while I'm at it and call it "bible study".
My perspective is changing. I'm done sitting on the sidelines.
Which brings me to my struggle. A gut wrenching, heart bleeding, agony. One I haven't mentioned before.
My son is sick.
I've been ignoring it for months.
I was hoping it was the flu.
For those of you who don't know Tyler had a brain tumor. It was the sized of a softball in his tiny 7yr old head. It was removed Jan 2011.
but....
The barfing is back. The headaches are back. The Neurosurgeon has cleared his last MRI as not the cause of these issues. I'm going to pursue a second opinion just because I'm not sure I agree.
I'm now having to face things that suck.
The survival rate for childhood brain tumors. It's 40-80% for 5 years if properly diagnosed. - SUCKS
Watching my son, shrink. He's losing weight. Losing vitality. Getting paler. - SUCKS
Without getting all down in the dumps, I'll remind myself that I put all my trust in God. That's God's got this. That I have no control over the outcome I have obedience to God.
So, perspective.
I'm asking myself how I want to live the next few years. Really live.
I'm wanting to change everything.
If you thought a loved one was dying would you turn off the TV and play monopoly? but what if that loved one is far too tired and lacks the skills.
It's a lot to think about.
So I'm turning it over to God. OK, throwing back in His Face. I'm not yelling or weeping yet because I'm pretending I have dignity.
I'm not one to pretend for long.
So I'm asking myself, now what.
I've got one Disney trip booked.
What needs to happen now. After the Dr.'s visits and responsible stuff of life. How can I live, really LIVE. Celebrating the LIFE I have. Celebrating Tyler's LIFE.
That act of LIFE that tells those around me that I value LIFE and I'm not just watching Tyler die but showing him how to REJOICE IN THE LORD ALWAYS.
Living in such a way that I'm not mourning missed opportunities. I'd hate to think that the worse happened, Tyler dies and I look over his last few years, hearing his voice begging to not go to school. Asking if he could play more. Asking me to play a board game when I was tired. Oh yeah, that would SUCK.
Balancing that with fiscal responsibility. It is just money but that doesn't mean I can spend the next few years wracking up debt.
How differently would you live if you knew you had 5 years instead of 75? And does anyone really know? You could be hit by a car tomorrow. You could be the first person in your family to live over 100yrs.
How do you plan/live for either?
On the one hand you don't want to run out of energy early. You want to exercise, eat right, do the right responsible things while also grabbing hold of the joys of life.
I'm thinking I want to take the kids to Habitat for Humanity this summer and build a house for someone. I find that loving others and helping others is better than just grabbing at things that make just me happy.
I want to spread love and joy.
I've got a new perspective and I want to apply it to my life and change accordingly.
We are in for quite the adventure.
(If you'd like to follow Tyler's blog you can find it at www.caringbridge.org/tylerzeman )
I knew life was like a roller coaster....I just forgot that I haven't gotten off the ride yet. So let's put our hands in the air and scream! Enjoying every moment to its fullest!
