It's a Doozie.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart."

With your ALL.

"Lean not on your own understanding."

Words I'm sure you've heard before. I'm coming to think that - "lean not on your own understanding" is a warning that we'll think its crazy. It's not what we'd plan.

I find myself trusting each day and I'm amazed by each day. Speechless might even cover it. Some days good amazed but more often than not just frankly confused, befuddled and silent to protect myself from my own stupid questions.

I've got a good idea that God's Plan is freaking amazing. I've also got a good handle on I have no clue as to how to even handle the idea of this awesomeness. It's way beyond my understanding.

So, what's got me all....trusting. Well, Thanksgiving was eye opening. We got to see some wonderful friends and had some great times. We are super grateful that our kids aren't little anymore and that we don't have to help bathe them, diaper them or feed them. It's really wonderful having kids that bath...someday we'll know what that's like.

It was hard celebrating gratitude this year. I'm still hurt but I recognize that I'm healing. I still love Mike and I even still like him. We have miles to travel still and another holiday to get through but I've got hope. Not so much for some of my friends. I've always understood that holidays can be rough but I've tasted a small portion of the pain and I want no more. It was hard enough that Gayle died this year. Add the pain of an affair, a kid recovering from a brain tumor, learning difficulties at school....I'm done. All I've got is trusting.

I'm holding on to this verse,
"You are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through fire, you shall not be burned,
nor shall the flames scorch you.
For I am the Lord your God."
Isaiah 43:2-3

I've shared this before.
I'm holding onto it now because we're not done yet.
We got home from Thanksgiving sick. Suspected Strep throat sent us to the Doctors to discover, Sinus Infections, Bronchitis, and drum roll please, MONO. We do nothing half way at the Zeman house. 

While my suffering and pain feels personal I'm discovering that many are also suffering. Part of me wants to throw a diva fit to let you all know that my pain is bigger than your pain but why in the world would I want to win that prize?

I do want to share that if God leads you to this, than He has a brilliant plan to lead you through it. I've already seen that Mike is desiring a closer relationship with Him. Awesome.
I've seen my kids turn to Him in prayer. Fabulous.
I've found myself not planning and trusting God. Craziness.
A few short months ago that wasn't the norm at this house. Now it is.
While I'm not a fan of pain I'm delighted at the maturing of our faith at the Zeman house.

So hold on.
God's still got this one.
It's a doozie.