My kids are crazy. I like them exactly that way. On Sunday they got silly sunglasses with mustaches attached. It's freaking hilarious. Strangers stop to compliment them on their fine mustaches or to let me know I let the kids out the house without a good shave. It's been awesome.
Who knew all you need to have fans is a mustache?
Magnum PI suddenly makes perfect sense.
Along with their fine mustaches they end up schooling me more than I teach them. Today after taking Katie to her new middle school we were overtaken by a heavy rain storm. Tyler was sitting in the front seat of the car and immediately piped up with, "Cool, we've got front row seats."
Being all serious and Mommy like I instantly went contemplative and thought, "Dude, how right you are."
Not a moment later, "The clouds must be having an emotional outbreak but look you can see the Sun, it will be okay." I heard, Son...like God....and kinda wondered about God's mysterious ways. Just in case I was getting to weirded out Tyler then added, "Or Angels are peeing on us."
Oh, did you snort your coffee? Yeah I almost went off the road. Oops. My kids are very entertaining.
I truly am blessed beyond measure.
Now, as I share more today, please keep in mind that I'm fragile. All human and filled with soft gooey bits. I need you all to just let me share without comments from the peanut gallery.
For all the crap and garbage that I've discovered. For all that we'll be going through still, I still love my husband. It's not a switch you can just turn off. I've spent 14 years building this marriage and just like Rome not being built in a day neither was my life.
It still looks like I'm getting a divorce but I really don't know one way or the other if I want one. I know I don't plan on standing for shenanigans. I know that I will protect my kids whatever the personal cost to me. But here is the kicker, I don't have to know one way or another and I have a certain freedom there that allows me to forgive.
God isn't asking me to fight for my marriage, He's asking to Fight on my behalf.
God isn't asking me "What do you want", He's asking me to let Him carry me through to a better way.
God is asking for my complete obedience without a lick of understanding.
I'm sure that thinking things through and letting time give me perspective work but that's not this game. When Jesus stretched out his hand to Paul to walk beside him on the water, Paul didn't get a chance to "think about it, go slow, give it time". Paul had to obey or not walk with Jesus.
Sinking was a very real option. Drowning extremely likely.
In order for me to grow as a human being I've been asked to shine God's light into my soul and identify my weaknesses. I have a huge need to talk, communicate, make others ears bleed. It's something I've always tried to put a positive spin on but quite frankly over talking is one of the fastest and easiest ways to get in deep doo doo.
I also seem to collect toxic relationships. I've got boundaries issues. I want and crave to be liked so much at times I'm no better than New Jersey's mascot Snookey. Selling her dignity for fame.
And I like to do things my way.
EXACTLY my way. (I like all my soup cans to face forward and they are in catagories based on usage) (Oh and my closet is organized by color...My shrink has told me its a control issue...a coping mechanism for damaged people...duh) (I also habitually close closet doors but that's a very long story)(have I mentioned I like over sharing?)
So of course, God would be asking me to do it His way.
God would also use my weakness to communicate. I'm extremely humbled by the responses to my blog but I've also worried that it's truly going to take a miracle for any huge changes. Airing all my dirty laundry isn't helping my case with Mike. Mike prefers to keep his private life, private. In other words, none of your business.
I have to be obedient and right now I feel that is sharing my flaws in a blog.
I do see how it actually has protected me a great deal. Sharing has led to others reaching out and comforting me, educating me, and letting God speak to me. Awesome.
It's come with back lash as well. Many well meaning pieces of advice that I have no intentions of following.
(Like when I was pregnant, a lady at the grocery store told me to be careful about bathing because water could enter my belly button and drown the baby. I kid you not, she was dead serious.) (I'm keeping a list of awesome divorce advice as well....bwahaha)
Today, God's way for my life entails, blogging, taking the kids to school, calling my new apartment complex, a pedicure, and laundry. I'm not allowed to understand or make decisions. I'm just supposed to obey. Oh and I'm supposed to remember to pick up the kids after school....hm....
Who knew all you need to have fans is a mustache?
Magnum PI suddenly makes perfect sense.
Along with their fine mustaches they end up schooling me more than I teach them. Today after taking Katie to her new middle school we were overtaken by a heavy rain storm. Tyler was sitting in the front seat of the car and immediately piped up with, "Cool, we've got front row seats."
Being all serious and Mommy like I instantly went contemplative and thought, "Dude, how right you are."
Not a moment later, "The clouds must be having an emotional outbreak but look you can see the Sun, it will be okay." I heard, Son...like God....and kinda wondered about God's mysterious ways. Just in case I was getting to weirded out Tyler then added, "Or Angels are peeing on us."
Oh, did you snort your coffee? Yeah I almost went off the road. Oops. My kids are very entertaining.
I truly am blessed beyond measure.
Now, as I share more today, please keep in mind that I'm fragile. All human and filled with soft gooey bits. I need you all to just let me share without comments from the peanut gallery.
For all the crap and garbage that I've discovered. For all that we'll be going through still, I still love my husband. It's not a switch you can just turn off. I've spent 14 years building this marriage and just like Rome not being built in a day neither was my life.
It still looks like I'm getting a divorce but I really don't know one way or the other if I want one. I know I don't plan on standing for shenanigans. I know that I will protect my kids whatever the personal cost to me. But here is the kicker, I don't have to know one way or another and I have a certain freedom there that allows me to forgive.
God isn't asking me to fight for my marriage, He's asking to Fight on my behalf.
God isn't asking me "What do you want", He's asking me to let Him carry me through to a better way.
God is asking for my complete obedience without a lick of understanding.
I'm sure that thinking things through and letting time give me perspective work but that's not this game. When Jesus stretched out his hand to Paul to walk beside him on the water, Paul didn't get a chance to "think about it, go slow, give it time". Paul had to obey or not walk with Jesus.
Sinking was a very real option. Drowning extremely likely.
In order for me to grow as a human being I've been asked to shine God's light into my soul and identify my weaknesses. I have a huge need to talk, communicate, make others ears bleed. It's something I've always tried to put a positive spin on but quite frankly over talking is one of the fastest and easiest ways to get in deep doo doo.
I also seem to collect toxic relationships. I've got boundaries issues. I want and crave to be liked so much at times I'm no better than New Jersey's mascot Snookey. Selling her dignity for fame.
And I like to do things my way.
EXACTLY my way. (I like all my soup cans to face forward and they are in catagories based on usage) (Oh and my closet is organized by color...My shrink has told me its a control issue...a coping mechanism for damaged people...duh) (I also habitually close closet doors but that's a very long story)(have I mentioned I like over sharing?)
So of course, God would be asking me to do it His way.
God would also use my weakness to communicate. I'm extremely humbled by the responses to my blog but I've also worried that it's truly going to take a miracle for any huge changes. Airing all my dirty laundry isn't helping my case with Mike. Mike prefers to keep his private life, private. In other words, none of your business.
I have to be obedient and right now I feel that is sharing my flaws in a blog.
I do see how it actually has protected me a great deal. Sharing has led to others reaching out and comforting me, educating me, and letting God speak to me. Awesome.
It's come with back lash as well. Many well meaning pieces of advice that I have no intentions of following.
(Like when I was pregnant, a lady at the grocery store told me to be careful about bathing because water could enter my belly button and drown the baby. I kid you not, she was dead serious.) (I'm keeping a list of awesome divorce advice as well....bwahaha)
Today, God's way for my life entails, blogging, taking the kids to school, calling my new apartment complex, a pedicure, and laundry. I'm not allowed to understand or make decisions. I'm just supposed to obey. Oh and I'm supposed to remember to pick up the kids after school....hm....
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