The Tower of Terror.

Bwahahaha Welcome to the Tower of Terror! A haunted hotel that was abandoned years ago. Come inside, if you dare.

Dude, this is totally a ride at Disney.

I was trying to explain to my daughter why I was crying about filling out paperwork and looking at Christmas ornaments.  I told her that I'm terrified but it's the same kind of terrified you get when you're standing in line at a new roller coaster. Your hands get sweaty, your nerves stretched. You look around at all the laughing people and think, "Don't they realize we're all gonna die?" A look crosses your face. Some poor stranger, leans over and says, "First time? I can tell. You're gonna love it." You wonder if the survivors are all brain damaged and give him a week smile. You're daughter walks off saying you talk too much but that she knows you love roller coasters so what's the big deal.

I'm starting to suspect Katie likes calling me on crap. This will make for an interesting bunch of teen years.

So I'm moving forward. Like I had an option not too, really. First there's Monday, then Tuesday, now Wednesday....Nobody consulted me on this.

This week is gonna be horrible. I'm going to get through it because I'm hidden in God but I'm still walking through fire here.
Romans 12:2 today's verse from my app...

"Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you

fit into it without even thinking.

Instead, fix your attention on God.

You'll be changed from the inside out.

Readily recognize what he wants from you,

and quickly respond to it."

 

Verses that God laid on my heart last Thursday. The first part was to offer the everyday parts of my life to him. I've been doing that because, like I said before, it's easy to give what you haven't a clue to do about.

 

I've also been reminded to get my blinders on. To look neither right or left but focus solely on God. I'm not exactly getting that right all day long. I'll start the day just fine. Coffee, biblestudy app, feel encouraged, don the armour of God.....get slammed with naughty pictures left for me to find....take a nap because I just can do nothing else....start over with more coffee and more biblestudy apps...

My days are starting to feel like weeks.

 

To change my focus, I'm going to flip this around now. I'm going to share with you not the pain in my heart or how I'm still bleeding but let's count some blessings.

 

I have memorized gobs of verses. Its an amazing gift from my parents. As a kids I was tasked with memorizing a verse a day...for like 10+ years. Now as my heart flips, a new verse rises to the top like a spiritual magic 8 ball. Way better of course because the word of God is useful and fills the heart and soul. I'm surrounded in God's word. I always internally add, the word - is God - God is Love, I'm surrounded in Love. Exactly what a bleeding heart needs most.

 

I'm hugely gifted with music. Listening to the right song at the right time is a balm. Making myself a mixed CD was an activity that I was able to do without any thoughts one way or the other. Allowing me moments of pause. If you know music than you understand that a pause can make it all sweeter. Pausing now and again is such a blessing.

 

I'm also getting some flyers in my inbox for relationship rescue. While that's not going to happen here I'm finding them to be a huge blessing. I was living a dream. My eyes are gently being pried open by this flyer. (My eyes are being slammed opened plenty too). Here is the advice,

 

1. Don't focus or talk about your problems with your spouse. Focus on love. Find a neutral topic and don't stray from it. This is relationship building.

 

2. Find a way to touch that is very very simple. Very non sexual. The same way you'd touch a child...but don't be condescending. This is to recognize how distant you've become. When you're with a child you adore you can't help but reach out and touch them. It's a form of loving that we've all but lost. While I'm not reaching out and touching Mike, HELL NO, I'm realizing I need to say less to my kids and sneak more hugs.

 

3. Give. Give. Give. Giving is an attitude of abundance. Giving gets you out of a poverty mindset and into a "how can I love on you today" attitude. Expect your returns from God. Obedience is always rewarded by God. So...Love one another. This one is easier than it sounds. When you're at the fridge, offer to get everyone a drink. When you're getting up from the table surprise whoever's doing the dishes by taking that task for the night. Get the idea? This giving is for you more than for them. Not all that crazy.

 

I'm doing these things with my relationships not because I'm trying to change my course but because I understand that this is awesome advice for any relationship. When I'm struggling with my teenagers in a few years this advice will still be exactly right.

 

So I'm standing in line for the Tower of Terror. I'm terrified but I have a feeling I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.