Spilt Milk

I had a deja vu moment today.

I remembered a time a couple years ago where I was listening to a woman pour out her heart to me and I was annoyed.
Her heart was shattered into a million pieces because she'd discovered her husband was cheating on her.
Pain was dripping from her every pour and I wanted to go get another cup of coffee.

Quite frankly I hope it didn't show in my face that I wanted to tell her to drop him like a hot potato and move on.

Oh my.

Then I had another moment where I, once again, was annoyed with someone sharing. I wanted them to take their life by the horns and do something about it!

This time is was a sweet friend telling me her husband had discovered someone else while deployed to Afghanistan.

I thought, aren't they mostly guys? And, "Wow this seems to happen a lot".

I must have done okay because she kept talking.

However, I will confess to limiting our time together after that to avoid the need to share.

One the one hand I'm proud of myself for recognizing that I can be a jerk and need to limit my contact with people. However, that's just justifying the fact that I didn't want to help them carry their pain.

It's interesting though. I see both events through new eyes now.

God was preparing me.

Arming me for battle.

Because of the first girl I was basically forced to think about how I believe a person should behave when hurt because of an affair. I looked at it from both sides and realized (belatedly and not in time to be nice) that if I was the offender I'd want to be fought for and forgiven.

The path I would travel was being mapped in my heart. This isn't by accident.

When Tyler got sick and went to the hospital Mike and I were prepared. God had allowed Katie to have appendicitis a year earlier. A surgery that is considered no big deal. It tore us up to go through it but it also laid a path in our hearts to trust God in those situations.

So one year almost to the day Tyler went under surgery. Because we'd learned in a slightly less frightening situation how to deal we understood that we had to rely on God.

Today, I can see clearly that He's always got me.

It's really cool when I can see how He's prepared me and carried me through.

Now I should probably go make some apologies.......
 

Perhaps Obama is the answer.

I must confess to getting all frustrated and mulish over the news.
One friend posted a link on FB to a news interview that had me completely depressed over the state of things.

Banning guns hasn't worked to others but we're doing it anyway.

The CDC will be given $10 million to study violence and give SSRI's to help those in mental distress.

However, SSRI's have been shown to dramatically increase violence in certain individuals. (in other news, SSRI's are being called the reason we have more suicide deaths than war deaths in the military.)

Also, to "aid" us all, we are going to start insisting that school children get the Flu vaccine. Which as of today has "modest" results and has proven to stunt your body's ability to deflect future flu attacks.

I'd link all these facts but it would just add to the depressing pile of garbage we're forced to see everyday.

The point isn't to spin us all up.

Ah but that is the point. I'm faced with quite a few facts that focus our attention to this.

Have you ever thought that perhaps Satan has a plan just as God has a plan?

Perhaps, getting us all spun up is exactly the plan. As Christians we are taking sides and expressing our opinions left and right. We are getting angry. We are using verses to justify our claims.

Such as the lazy people on welfare are useless,
Proverbs 22:13 MSG
"The loafer says, "There's a lion on the loose! If I go out I'll be eaten alive!"

Our President must be horrible because look at all the unemployment!
Proverbs 28:12 MSG
"When good people are promoted, everything is great, but when the bad are in charge, watch out!"

I would like to offer another opinion.
Might I suggest that this is not a new enemy?
 That in fact this is an ancient enemy?
 The same enemy from the start?
I know that many of us have used examples of Hitler to prove Obama is wrong but perhaps we need to take a better look at history. We need to remind ourselves that WWII wasn't the first World War. This isn't a temporary nonsense pouring from the press but an ongoing battle.

Perhaps, favorable circumstances will never exist.

As I comb through what I know of history I can think of lots of times filled with unrest. Even during the Regan Administration.

So where does that leave us?

Are we supposed to just roll over? Never. Does this mean we're supposed to pick up our poster on a stick and march on the white house? I doubt it.

As I give my heavy heart over to Christ I'm reminded of many verses that ironically (but not coincidentiely) I've been memorizing this week.

Matthew 6:34 NIV
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own
or
Matthew 6:34 MSG
"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."

This idea is repeated many times throughout scripture. In the Lord's prayer we are to pray for the day, not the year. We are to focus on today, not what could be happening in the future. Why?

Over and over again we are told to stop worrying and give our entire attention to God. So it makes sense really that Satan would be up to no good trying to keep our attention focused on shenanigans. On gun control. On terrible terrible acts of babies dying, On ridiculous cultural nonsense. It's very effective.

It's working.

And yet.....aren't we as Christian's praying for our country?
Aren't we just sure the country is going to Hell in a hand basket?

Oh my, have we believed a lie?

Ridiculous.

Perhaps then we need to be, (Proverbs 3:5-6 ) Trusting the Lord with all our attention and focus, realizing that we are completely clueless to what's going on. Knowing that with our focus on Him our direction in this life will be clear.
How different would it be then if we decided to act like God's in charge? How would it look if our focus was on dedicating every daily act to God? Ignoring the media and focusing, seeking Him first. Everyday.

Could we be bringing a cure for cancer to light? Could new works of art as acts of worship be created?

I'm going to humbly dedicate my act of blogging and laundry to God.
 I'm going to let go of my worry for this nation and thank God for putting a president in office that has me turning my focus to Him.
 I'm grateful that I'm putting my soul and trust in God. Not money, not jobs, not focusing on today's shenanigans but living my live for Him. Even if all I do productively today is my workout.

I'm banking my everything that God's got this.
I'm going to live today to prove it.









 

Ranting, Raving, and Growing.

Under the title of my blog is a little catch phrase, blah blah learning obedience to God. Well the nature of learning is growing. So in the spirit of things expect my blog to change a bit.

As my marriage progresses I'm not as able to let it all hang out there and give Mike a proper chance. This seems logical enough.
We are in marriage counseling now. Seen the Chaplain twice. He's hooking us up with professionals because he feel in over his head. Can't fault that.

I did rather like what he had to say. I'm guessing a lot of women would adore having another man tell their husbands to pay more attention to their wives. To study the little details that matter to her. To watch romantic movies together until the husband feels confident that he understand how his wife defines romance and can try on his own to romance his own wife.
Like a fairy tale, right?

So moving right along.

I've mentioned before about "fruit". Watching a life to see said fruit. I'm hear to report good things.

We've been praying a lot and he started it. Woo Hoo! I do so like it when Mike starts.

In fact yesterday was my first open house and Mike said, "hey, let's pray over this" and we did. We prayed for God's blessings. Now I wasn't expecting a single person to show......but a family did! Not only that but they called me later!! I'm showing them houses on Thursday. Bam! answered prayer!

yeah baby!

So we're growing. It's fantastic. It's horrible.

Did you expect that? Well.....as I go to work we're learning exactly how much I do around the house. It's interesting to see what happens when I don't. I say interesting, I meant frightening. Oh, Mike is pitching in like never before but it's just not quite what I do.
Eye opening...
Which is cool and not.
I haven't had to say a thing but I have had to go to bed when I know that my house is trashed. Makes me twitchy.

Speaking of twitchy, I have a bone to pick.

You've heard of the song, His Grace is enough?
"Remember your people, Remember your promises, Oh God"
Ring a bell?
Doesn't anyone else HATE this song?
I can't stand it.
What are we thinking? Asking GOD if he remembers? Duh, we're the stupid ones.
Why in the world do we sing this?
Like sheep we all line up to worship and without thinking ask the supreme being of the universe if he remembers?
Seriously? Would you go up to President Obama and ask him if he remembered something? As a way to start a conversation on, your grace is enough?

Ugh. Worship songs are driving me bonkers.
Under my breathe I change the words. It's different every time. Whatever I'm in the mood for. Usually something still worshipful. Otherwise I just fall silent refusing to sing these stupid lyrics.
Like God forgets?! Whatever.

So far I've shared how I'm growing and I've ranted so let me rave a little.

Last week during the service our pastor mentioned a quote by C S Lewis.

"Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and

the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels,

it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak.

We are half-hearted creatures,

fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us,

like an ignorant child who wants to go on making

mud pies in a slum because he can not imagine

what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea.

We are far too easily pleased."

Since I use my iPhone as my bible and the church offers wifi, it was just all too easy to zip over to amazon and purchase the kindle version for $4. I love technology.

I'm floored by this book. I'm not even ten pages in. I had to stop often just during the introduction. Now I'm a fast reader. I comprehend at a quick rate. This is not a quick book. I find myself needing to just ponder. The depth and breath of knowledge offered here is incredible. Again, I'm not even ten pages in and I've been chewing on this book a week!

Going back to the quote though, I can see this vividly. I can apply it to my life simply.
"fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered."
Not that there is anything wrong with drinking, sex or ambition but that we have no concept.
That GOD is so much bigger than we can possibly imagine.

We're fooling ourselves to think that saving my marriage took much effort on HIS part. Or even perhaps that this wasn't allowed so that our growth could be made.

Because ultimately GOD's way are so magnificent that our brains don't even have the ability to break it down and understand any part. Knowing this, because GOD IS AMAZING, he gave us the Holy Spirit to translate. Our understanding isn't necessary for HIS will, His plans.

So why in the world do we worship with such tiny stupid songs?

Ok. I've ranted, raved and grown as a human being.

Thanks.



 

Let's talk about Sex.

It's a new year! Woo hoo!

I love this time of year.
I like making plans for how I want to live my life deliberately.

For the last few years I've tried to get the kids involved. Helping them think about what one thing they'd like to learn and then making a collage poster to hang in their rooms. It's not working for them because their brains are wired like squirrels.
It works great for me though.

I still need to get this years poster made but I've been mulling over life and I've got some great plans.

It just goes naturally that I'd think about the state of my marriage as I think about the state of things to come.
Part of me wished that I had a way to take the pulse of a marriage.
Simply, like a thermometer to check for a fever.
Simple, like an app on my phone that tells me the weather forecast.

Funny thing is, I kinda have that.
A couple years ago I took a great Christian lady to lunch and asked her the secret to a great marriage. She's an amazing lady. Some of you may know her, Nell Jackson. I want to be like her when I grow up. She has a strong family that is full of strong Christ followers. She had an amazing marriage right up until the day her other half passed away.
I don't remember her advice word for word because at the time it seemed like a nice thought. Now it's brilliance stuns me. Making me wish I had filmed the moment for the world.
In a nutshell she told me the secret to a great marriage is a husband that is crazy about you, and great sex.
I giggled of course.
I should mention that she's a great-grandmother. Tiny, sturdy, beautiful no-nonsense lady. She just told me great sex is her secret to a great marriage.

Ah the wisdom I missed because I wasn't listening with my heart.

Sex can be how you measure the health of your marriage. Now stay with me, I'm not going off the deep end here. I'm being serious. Sex in marriage is more than we've been led to believe.

Popular culture has warped our views of sex. We've lost intimacy in the process. We've made it a formula of contortions instead of an act of love.

God had so much more in mind.

Let me go back to Nell's advice (disclaimer: Only hold her responsible if you think she is brilliant. If you think otherwise, blame me.) She told me the secret is, a husband that is crazy about you, and great sex.

The first part, a husband that is crazy about you, is important. It's Ephesians 5:25-33

"Husbands go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church - a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love make the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor - since they're already "one" in marriage.
29-33 No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That's how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become, "one flesh". This i s a huge mystery, and I don't pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband."

I'm focusing my pray in on this one. I would be the most submissive wife on the planet if I my husband spent each day designing everything he does and say to bring out the best in me.

Bring out the best in me sounds like broccoli. I feel my kids veggies because I love them and I know that veggies are what their bodies need. Not what they want, need. In the same way, I would occasionally fuss but overall be completely delighted to have a partner that pushes me to do what is best and right. Stretches me and helps me grow.

I want to be the object of my husbands crazy desire. Hell ya.
I'm guessing all wives would be good with this.

Which takes me to sex.

Picture yourself cherished, radiant with holiness and completely in love. This is closer to what God had in mind.

Now think about this - "they're really doing themselves a favor - since they're already one in marriage". Yeah.

Guys who are crazy about their wives get more.
Guys who are pampering their wives like they treat their own bodies are having great sex. (Unless the guy in question has forgotten basic grooming and doesn't even treat himself right.)

Ok so that's part of what happened in my marriage. Mike got so depressed he stopped taking care of himself.

I can see now that's a clue to sickness. Now I can add that to my bag of tricks (LOL) and know that lack of personal care and lack of sex = marriage headed for the rocks.

Sex is supposed to be wonderful. Not a chore. Not something you have to force. If you're living marriage the way God designed it I imagine you just can't help yourself and sneak off for quickies all the time. To express the love that overflows.

I want that.
I love quickies.
I adore sex.

However that's not where my marriage is today. It hasn't been there for forever.
I've complained that I'm frustrated but it was warping.

I was trying to plan it.
Asking for it. (sex...we're still talking about sex.)
Whining about the lack.
Etc....

I'm realizing that sex is the way I can measure success in marriage.
Once we get our priorities in line with God's plan for marriage. The balance will be restored and there will be an overflow of love.

Then I will be getting jiggy.

Until then......let me put it in a nutshell.

If your sex life is lacking it's just a symptom of a marriage out of whack. Take the time to discover what God tells us marriage is. Your marriage needs at least as much maintenance as your car.

I'm in for a total overhaul. It means that parts are being removed, replaced, restored. Soon I'll be good as new. Better even. Now I know that I need to pay more attention to my sex meter....I won't let my marriage get this trashed before I have the balance restored.

Happy 2013.
Now go....be one with each other....giggle.

I have a poster to make.